I was thinking about the price some are willing to pay to have material possessions or harbor obsessions. By cost, I don't mean what the item cost them monetarily. I am talking about the cost they pay for allowing those possessions/obsessions to take the place of love. I am pretty knowledgeable about the subject since that's how I lived most of my life!
We were created to love and to be loved. That's why we're all here on earth. It is! Somewhere along the way having more things or losing the things we have, became more important than being loved. Somewhere there are some of us that substituted material possessions or obsessions for the love that we did not receive. I'm not talking about everyone. Some people have been blessed enough to have found their soulmate. I hope that you wake up every morning and go to bed every evening with much gratitude for that. You are truly blessed. 
There are those of us though, that somewhere along the path of our life, we realized we were not receiving love. For many different reasons, we stayed in those relationships, so for our human selves to survive, we exchanged needing love from a person to trying to find it in other things. Some worked hard and climbed the corporate ladder. Some are serial college students always trying to acquire one more degree. Some are hoarders, overeaters, drinkers, drug addicts, shoppers, perfectionists, obsessors, etc. It doesn't matter what the possession/obsession is. If it's being used to provide you with the love your soul needs from another human then maybe it's time to take notice. When forced, and only when forced, that's just what I did!
Me, I was a shopper! I love to shop. I did. I still do. It was one of many reasons why, after my children were grown, I stayed in a bad marriage. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it anymore. It was my crutch. It was my "love." I wouldn't have admitted that a year ago. Time, much reflection, personal growth and many long heartfelt talks with God have allowed me to see the things that I refused to acknowledge earlier. What I finally realized when I was faced with having to make the decision to stay in that marriage or walk away, was knowing that if I stayed, I would never be loved. Not ever. That is not only a sobering thought, but also very, very sad. It came down to knowing that all the stuff I had acquired over 38 years had not shown me any love. I loved my stuff, but it didn't love me back! It did however give me momentary pleasure and many times that's what we settle for. Ultimately, that is what my life had lacked all along, LOVE!
So I looked at all my stuff. I looked at the monetary security my marriage provided. I looked at my beautiful home. I looked at the only life I had ever known and everything I would be walking away from and to me it was monumental! I decided at that moment that none of it was or had been or will ever be worth the huge price I had paid for not being loved.
The great news is, I have never had one regret. Not one! All the things I was so afraid of walking away from have been replaced with wonderful things I never could have imagined. Oh, I brought possessions with me. I still like to have things that make me smile to look at them. I have acquired some new possessions as well. I still go shopping and I'm not going to lie, it still brings me great pleasure, but for a different reason, I LOVE IT! The difference is, I'm not using it to fill the void of no love in my life. I go because I like to. What has happened since is priceless! Just to name a few: Self-esteem, love of self, more peace than I've ever known, happiness, joy, independence, strength, a new life!
I am so happy that I decided walking away was worth it. I am so happy that the little girl inside of me that didn't think she was worthy of love, took the chance! It wasn't an overnight turn-around for my life. It was hard. Sometimes it's still hard. It was painful. Sometimes it's still painful. It was frightening, but it's not frightening anymore! I know I did it! It took giving myself lots of love and grace and allowing myself to make mistakes. It was about learning and growing and putting myself first. It was so worth it! My life is wonderful. It really is.
