Oh My Soul!

All day today, I've been getting the same message.  I can't quite figure it out, but it's about the soul.  It's tugging on my heart, so I guess there is something I need to say about the soul.  Maybe my soul.  I'm just going to start writing and see where it goes.  I hope you'll join me for the ride!

This is what I think about the soul.  I think the soul is kept deep within you.  I think my soul is me.  It's the me I keep hidden a lot of times and the me I try to keep protected most of the time.  I think a big part of my journey is about my soul and allowing it to be vulnerable enough to feel someone else's soul.  I think that my soul has felt the most horrible feelings imaginable, but I also think it has felt, and is beginning to feel the most wonderful things imaginable! Wow!  Are we created amazingly or what?

I know in an earlier blog I wrote that when my marriage ended, I cried tears that came not from my eyes, but "my soul wailed."  That still breaks my heart to think that I was that broken.  There have been a few other times that my soul has cried.  The death of my sweet baby boy in 1976.  The death of my dad and the death of my mother.

There have also been times that I have been extremely happy and my soul has smiled.  The birth of my children.  When my children married the most wonderful spouses and when my grandchildren were born.  There is nothing better than to feel happiness in your soul!

Everything good or bad has left footprints on your soul.  It makes you who you are or better than that, it gives you the opportunity to allow the soul to die, or to allow the soul to heal and be reborn.  The choice is always ours to make.  I feel like the light bulb has gone off in my head and in my heart about this. 

The journey has been long and many of the steps have been slow and painful, but I think it is all about the soul.  I think it's about not letting go of hope.  It's about letting my soul learn to sing and dance.  It's about feeling the good in people.  It's about loving to the best of my ability those around me. It's about feeling the brokenness in them and trying to find a way to help them heal.  Maybe the journey is not about me, but using my life to better someone else's!  It's about letting you know you are worthy.  It's about letting you know you are loved.  It's about never, ever losing hope.  It's about finding a way to mend someone else's broken soul.  Helping someone else so fills my soul!

Recently I have noticed when I meet someone new and I reach out my hand to shake theirs or touch

their hand, I feel their soul.  I feel their goodness, but I also feel their brokenness. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that.  It has definitely taken me by surprise.  In saying that, everyone needs hope.  They need to know that they are beautiful and worthy of everything good.  They need to feel the good in the world and the good in the people around them.  They need to be able to heal their brokenness.  Love your neighbor!

I know that I did not know that, but even more, I did not ever feel that.  Today, I can say that I do!  Today I know that I am more than worthy of everything good!  My soul feels the goodness and love that it should.  My soul is happy.  For the first time in my life, I know I am worthy.  That's not to say that my soul will never feel sadness again.  That would be unrealistic for me to think that, but for so, so long, my soul was dead.  It was so unhappy.  I had no hope. 

Today, my soul is so happy and it's singing!  Most of the time, I'm not even sure why. There isn't a better feeling than to feel your soul singing!  I'm going to try to figure out what I'm supposed to do with all this.  I know the message is for me, but I also know the message may be for you.  The heart knows what the soul needs.  That said, no matter what, I'm in it to win it.  I'm going to get it right this time around.  I have to.  My soul is at stake and I'm not going to stop my journey ever!  I want to know why.  I've always needed to know why. The answers are there, I just have to be open enough to see them.  This is good!  I'm so excited!  I am ready to let my soul sing!  How about you?

My SoUL Is SiNGiNg!

The Broken Road

I don't know if you know the song by Rascal Flats called, "God Blessed The Broken Road" or not, but yesterday when I was taking my evening walk on the beach, the song came on and it so spoke to me that I have to write about it.  Normally, I don't listen to music when I walk on the beach.  I like hearing the roar of the ocean, but for some reason I felt the need to hear the music.

The song played and I've heard it many times, but I don't think I ever really let the words resonate with me.  This time, they did.  It seemed to play my life through the lyrics and I haven't been able to get the song out of my head.  That always leads me to believe that God has a message in there for me.  Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what I'm supposed to understand.

Here are the words to the song.  Now I just need to understand how this applies to my life.  I'm sure many of us can relate.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

 

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

 

I think about the years I spent just passing through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is come true

 

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

 

Now I'm just rolling home

Into my lover's arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

So, I'm walking along the beach and I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be taking from this

song, and it hits me.  My life has been a broken road.  I can see it when I look behind me.  I can see all the missing pieces and the twists and turns that didn't allow me to see what was ahead. I've been trying to travel this road for so long, never feeling like I was getting anywhere.  I've tried so hard to repair the road.  I tried to fill in the potholes.  I've tried to resurface it.  Many of the cracks I've tried to jump over.  I definitely tried to go around a lot of them, only to find the shoulder is so soft, I would fall.  I never gave up, though sometimes it was an appealing thought.  I tried so very hard to continue moving forward, but many times I turned around and tried to find another road., Now I think I understand what God was telling me.  He was telling me, Cyndi, "This is your road.  This is the road I have chosen for you.  You must travel it to get where I want you to go.  Instead

of trying to turn around, or find another road, or repair it or go around it, or ignore the cracks and think they will just go away, you need to stay on your road and build a bridge over the rough parts."  The bridge will get you further ahead on your road.  It will get you where you need to go.

I think that my road is still filled with potholes, and cracks, and missing pieces, and it always will be, but I think all of our roads are.  I think that I'm not going to look behind me because that's not the way I'm going.  I think that when I come to rough places in my road, that is where God is.  I think He's there watching me to see how I handle them.  I think that I'm supposed to build bridges over the rough places so I can continue traveling down my road, because just over one of those bridges is the life God has chosen just for me.  Wow!  I can't wait for that! With that in mind, making a U-turn on my road and going backwards is not in my plan.  Not ever. Going in reverse is never the way to go!  I can't wait to see what lies ahead!

Now what?  I'm off on another journey and I'm ready to build my next bridge when I need to! I hope it's not too soon though, because I love where my road is leading right now.  I hope you stay on your road too!  You can't get off!  You might miss the best part of your life!

God Blessed The Broken Road!