A Life Lesson!

There are so many things I want to say today.  Right now they are jUmBLed in my head and I can't get a clear thought, so as I usually do, I am asking God to CaLm them down and make them cLeAr.

It has taken me a long time to realize what was always missing in my life.  I could never quite put my finger on it, but it felt like I was missing something.  I rEaLiZe now that I have spent all of my life seeking love and calm and understanding and peace and acceptance and contentment.  Of course, I think most of us look for that.  I even searched for it as a child, though I still don't understand why.  I had great parents and really think I had a pretty good childhood. There are many people that have been blessed enough to already have found it.  To all of you, and you know who you are, I'm jEaLoUs!  Just saying!

During my marriage, I looked for it in my hUsBaND and in my mArRiAgE, and I definitely did not find it

there.  I looked for it in my cHiLdReN, and though they brought me many things, especially love, children rarely bring you peace!  Mine weren't very different than most children, that's just the way it is, no peace!  I looked for it in my jOb.  I definitely didn't find it there.  I found an awful lot of stress.  I really loved my job and at times really miss it. I love all the people that I was bLeSsEd to know and have them touch my life, but they could only fulfill some of the things I was searching for.

I tried to find it in stuff!  StUfF can certainly make me happy, at least temporarily.  Some of it made my life easier. Most of the time it was just because I wanted it.  There's always biGgEr and bEtTeR and more efficient and prettier stuff.   I realize that even with all the stuff I owned, I wasn't content.  I was always on the search for more stuff.  I thought maybe I just needed more stuff or different stuff.  Yea, that's it!  So I continued to buy more stuff.  But I never found it in stuff. 

I tried to find it in shopping!  Lord knows, I tried!  You know what I'm talking about.  There aren't too many women that don't love to shop!  I'm always ready for sHoPpiNg.  When someone asks me what I like to do in my spare time, I tell them shop!  I am really good at it too!  I know I can't be the only one that when I'm feeling down and blue or stressed, I go shopping.  It's one of my favorite therapy's!  But again, it's temporary.   Now, I don't have to spend a lot of money to feel bEtTeR, though I have at times.  Even if I only bought a tube of lipstick, I could feel my mood change immediately.  I always lAuGh at myself, because when I first walk in a store, I stop at the entrance and take a deep breath.  Just the smell of all that "new" is intoxicating!  I can hear you laughing, but try it next time.  You'll see what I'm talking about!  What a rush!!!!  I still have bEaUtiFuL things and I love looking at them and enjoying them.  In many ways, they bring me pleasure.  But I didn't find everything I was looking for sHoPpIng. 

I've had beautiful homes and nice cars (for the most part) and I've always been very proud of owning them and taking good care of them. It made me feel vErY accomplished and successful and I felt like, yes, this is what life must be all about.  But I didn't find what I was looking for in any of them.

As I sTaRtEd examining my life a couple of years ago, when it began to unravel, and I was trying to find answers, I realized all the things I told you above.  Since then I've been trying figure out how I acquire peace and calm and understanding and acceptance and contentment, if it's not in all the places I thought it was nor in all the money I've spent trying to acquire it, WHERE IS IT?  Here's what I found out.

The other night, I met someone with all the things I've been frantically searching for all my life.  As I liStEnEd to him talk and watched him interacting with everyone, I could see it.  I recognized it immediately.  There was peace and calm surrounding him.  It's in his voice as he speaks. There was acceptance and love, and happiness and joy.  It saturates the wOrDs he uses as he describes his life and I see contentment in his eyes when I look at them.  I don't think he even realizes that about himself.  He so freely gives it all away to everyone he meets.  The more you give sOmEtHiNg away, the more it comes back to you!  That's a law of the universe.  Wow!  That's it!That's what I want.  That's everything I'm missing.  I think it comes from the one place I never looked, within!  I think it's in his heart and in his soul and he can't help but share it!  What a gift!  So that's where I'm LoOkiNg now!  I don't know how hard it will be for me to find it in myself.  There's probably still a lot of junk I need to get rid of and throw away so there's room for what I wAnT to move in.  But that's what I want and I'm willing to do what it takes to get it.  Maybe that's what my jOuRnEy is about. Finding all the things I've spent my life searching for.  I never found me.  I never knew me.  I never loved me, and I was never content with me!  Oh, this is going to be FUN!  A new door has been oPeNed to possibilities I never imagined!  Thank you for showing me that!  Thank you for sHaRiNG it!   It's the best gift anyone's ever given me!

I LoVe LiFe LeSsoNs!