I just had a God Moment! Thank you, God, for that moment! I have had a few God moments before, but they are rare. They are also, at least for me, at the most unexpected time. That said, they are awesome!
I had to stop what I was doing and write this down. I was in the kitchen making some breakfast. I have been in a lot of pain for about 4 weeks. It had gotten worse the last week and I was struggling with managing the pain, but back to my moment. I was just talking to God in thought, and saying in my head, "God, Why am I always in pain? I just don't understand why I'm always in pain?" The very second I finished that thought, God said, "You are always in pain because you don't think you are good enough. I said, "What? I am good enough. Remember, I already worked on that." God repeated louder, "You don't think you are good enough, but you are. You are always in pain because you don't think you are good enough."
I really started thinking about that. Why would God be saying that? Being good enough is the very first thing I started working on with myself when I first became single again. I thought I had that all figured out, but God was telling me that on some level I still feel, 
"not good enough." Being made to feel that I was not good enough my whole life has caused me more pain, emotionally and physically, than I could ever express. I've read a lot of writings about how we get back from the universe what we put out to the universe. I believe that. If God was right, and let's face it, God is always right, then he just gave me the key I needed to unlock the blessings of my journey! Wow! I am blown away! You see, without knowing it, I had stopped for an honest, pure moment to talk to my Father. Not begging, not whining, not crying, not pleading, just asking! And He talked right back to me! Stop and take that in for a few minutes! Isn't that just amazing! Mind blowing! Life Changing! God just stopped to talk to me! How "good enough" am I that my Heavenly Father spoke to me!
Can I tell you something else? In that moment, I felt "good enough" all the way to my soul. All of the "not good enough" moments in my life seemed to disappear and were replaced with God's love! I don't feel angry deep down inside, I feel peace. I don't feel hurt deep down inside, I feel love. I feel good, deep down inside. I've never felt good deep down inside. I think I'm going to love this:)
What I have figured out is that, I thought I had fixed the "not good enough" in me, but I didn't even consider that I needed to allow God to fix it. I had been asking "god" to help "ME", when I should have been asking GOD to "help" me. I had unknowingly put myself ahead of God. That shocked me that I would do that, even unintentionally.
I had been having problems lately with several things I thought I had taken care of and fixed in myself. Little feelings kept coming up and causing struggles that I thought were no longer issues. I was spending a lot of time trying to figure out why this was happening. It didn't make any sense. After all, I fixed it, right? I was trying to find answers all by myself. I would talk to God about them, but I always asked God to show ME how to fix them. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to remember that I don't have any answers and I cannot fix anything in myself, but God has all the answers I need and He can fix everything in me if I will just stop trying to do it myself. Now that's powerful:)
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