My ChRiStMaS StOrY!

This is my Christmas story 2014.  Can I just say that at the beginning of December I realized I did not have any Christmas joy.  I know, that's sad.  I tried very hard to find it, but it was nowhere to be found!  I was looking forward to the whole holiday season with Thanksgiving,  Christmas and New Years, then right after Thanksgiving I felt my Christmas spirit leaving.

I used to have bins and bins of Christmas decorations.  I went all out for many, many years decorating for Christmas.  I decorated the house and the yard.  I decorated the office where I worked.  I loved baking Christmas cookies and goodies and sharing them with friends and family.  I usually did all the decorating by myself.  Sometimes the kids would help for a moment or two, then they were off.  My husband never participated, but that never stopped me, though it would have been nice to have him share in that.  I loved Christmas as a child, and I wanted to make sure my kids loved it too.  It was my mother's favorite holiday.  She couldn't decorate enough.  My dad loved it too.  You know what, I was successful because, my children do love Christmas!  They both are sharing that love with their children and spouses.  I love that too!  It makes my heart sing!

Now, I'm down to half a bin of decorations that I keep in my daughter's attic.  She took it down for me when she got all of her decorations down from her attic after Thanksgiving.  I brought the bin home, hoping that I would find my Christmas joy in it.  I took out my Christmas tree ornaments and unwrapped a few.  They are very pretty and I love them.  I looked at them, wrapped them back up, put the lid back on the bin and took it back to Heather's house.  There was no joy there.  It really made me sad to look at them.  I was so hoping that my joy was in there.  Being sad to see things that should have brought me joy was puzzling to me.  I had been hoping to recapture that Christmas joy I had as a child, but it evaded me.

This is my second Christmas season, single. (Really it's been 3 years, one was while I was separated.)  Maybe that's it.  Maybe that's where my joy went.  Maybe it left right along with my marriage.  Maybe it went away with all those years of hoping and dreaming of sharing Christmas and for that matter, every holiday, with someone who loves them all as much as I do.  I'm not sure.

My children are the only reason, as an adult, that I loved Christmas, or any holiday for that matter.  My husband made sure he sucked the joy out of every holiday.  Every holiday for 38 years.  Actually, honestly, he sucked the joy out of every day.  I know it doesn't seem like there could be someone alive that found absolutely no joy in anything, ever.  What I've come to understand recently, is that even though he did that, I still allowed it to happen.  I'm going to have to be honest and accept the blame for that.  I had to find a way to get joy back.

I guess my post divorce expectations were way too high.  I thought that as soon as I got divorced, surely the man of my dreams (Because I certainly hadn't been married to him.) would show up and my life would be filled with joy!  I had this fairy tale attitude about it, I guess.  Two years later, that has not happened.........yet.  I say yet, because I know it's going to happen.  I just don't know when.  I guess one of the hardest things for me to put into practice is that I must make my own joy!  I know that I am the only one who can make me happy.  I know that is my responsibility.  I'm ready for that challenge.  I am learning that lesson.  I am making positive strides towards that goal.  I have come very far but I realize I'm not there yet.

I did finally buy a wreath for my front door, at the urging of a good friend and I also sent out Christmas cards, which I haven't done for probably 15 years.  I was thinking that maybe I would find my joy in those.  I did enjoy doing those things, but I did not find my joy.  Then it happened!  God loves to surprise me with His wisdom unexpectedly.  He knows I'm a sucker for surprises!

Two weeks ago I went to the dollar store.  I was looking at the ornaments to add to a Christmas shirt for an ugly shirt contest.  By the way, I was hoping to find my joy doing that, but I was only going through the motions.  It seemed like out of nowhere, a woman about my age stood beside me.  I didn't really pay her much attention.  She was looking at the decorations next to me.  It startled me when she started talking to me.  She said that she thought she bought a 3 foot Christmas tree but it's 4 feet and she was getting some ornaments to fill in the extra space.  Really I was wondering to myself why she was telling me all that!  I told her I didn't even put up a tree.  I told her I think the grinch stole my Christmas this year.  She started saying things like, "Jesus being born is the reason for Christmas. And the cross is the reason to celebrate.  And that Jesus gave it all for us, etc."  Then she just walked away!  I didn't even have time to respond.  She left as fast as she had appeared!  Isn't that amazing?  I know all the things she said are true!  I believe all of them!  I try to live them!  Her words resonated through me.  I don't think she knew just how much I needed to hear her say those words.  From that brief encounter which probably didn't last 2 minutes, I found my Christmas joy!

It just came flooding back and I started to smile!  Now, I'm getting ready for the after Christmas sales!  I'm going to buy some new decorations and a tree!

I've decided that I'm going to rock Christmas next year.  When I was a child, we had a silver aluminum tree with the color wheel.  I always loved that tree!  It used to make me so happy.  I would sit and watch it for hours!  I hadn't thought about that tree in many years and I'm guessing it came to mind because it brought me so much joy.  So guess what tree I'm buying for next year?  You guessed it!  A silver aluminum Christmas tree with a color wheel!  It's going to be AWESOME!  I've learned the lesson!  I have my joy and I'm not going to lose it again!

To that mystery lady who helped me find my joy, thank you!  It just goes to show you that you never know who your words will inspire!  I found my joy!  It was there all along, I just needed to be reminded of it.  As a matter of fact, I'm going to rock every holiday from now on! What used to be a source of hurt feelings and emotional pain, I am going to use to spread love!

To all my wonderful family and friends, Merry Christmas and I love you all!  Christmas blessing to all of you.  Enjoy your family, safe travels, and make some wonderful memories!  I hope you have a Joyous Christmas!  I know I am!  Joy to the World!  The Lord Has Come!

Joy To The Newborn King!