The words we speak and the words spoken to us are powerful. This has been on my heart for some time now. I am generally a very kind person. I try not to say things or do things that might hurt someone's feelings. I try to handle situations, good or bad and do not only what is necessary to help someone out, but also in a way that is calm and loving. While I think that is the right thing for me to do and the way I have lived my life, I can see where not speaking the truth of my heart and keeping silent has allowed unkindness into my life.
I have been asking God to show me the answer to something big in my life that has been a burden and I had yet to get an answer from him. That is until early this morning. As I awakened from a dream this morning, I knew it was a God moment. I love those! It was in that dream that I received my answer!
Over the last few years, since being single, I have forgiven many, many things that happened in my life and it has been tremendously healing. There's one problem though I have not been able to get a handle on. I can feel this anger deep inside my heart and I
couldn't quite figure out what was causing it. That has been my prayer to God. I wanted to know what the root cause of it was. I knew the only way I would be able let it go was to know where it was coming from. This anger usually surfaced around things that were really unimportant. Things like, almost the minute I got behind the wheel of my car. I could feel the anger welling up inside for no reason. I would feel frustration, impatience, hostility. I didn't like that at all. It seemed the more I tried to control it the worse it was. Much of the anger was directed at me. I would be angry at myself for so many small things. I realized that I couldn't truly love myself if I was mad at myself. I really needed this answer. I also know that God has a perfect plan. He has perfect timing. Although I had spent much time trying to figure out the answer, He kept it secret.
So, back to my dream. My dream was showing me about the words that had been spoken to me through my lifetime. I felt the pain in my heart of each and every one of those words. In my dream I was talking and telling the people saying those words how the words had affected me. I was calm and caring about it. There was no yelling or anger, just me saying how all those words made me feel. While doing that, I could feel and see the anger releasing. I saw my heart opening up the the unkind words floating slowly out of my heart and into the air. I watched them until I couldn't see them anymore. It was liberating and it was healing. You see, I have never been able to do that. I almost always just take the words spoken to me in silence. I am hurt. I cry. I try to reason with those words in my head and I go over and over (in my head) what I would say back, but never have. I have kept so many hurtful words in my heart. How could it be anything but angry.
When I was waking up out my dream, it was very slowly. I was actually awake and still the thoughts of my dream were going through my head. I think that's because God wanted to make sure I got it. He wanted to make sure I realized the healing I had just received from Him. I realized that I had been manifesting the anger of accepting all those unkind words in silence and allowing them to be released in those small ways that I thought I could control.
Today, I woke up being blessed! I was blessed with an answer. I was blessed with healing. Words are so powerful. They can lift you up. They can inspire. They can bring joy and kindness. They can bring peace. They can also hurt. They can be destructive. They can be cruel. They can destroy self esteem. They can be forgiven, but never forgotten.
What I understand now, after my dream, is that I won't be able to forget all those words because once words are said, they cannot be taken back. I have however realized that I released the pain by forgiving them and I have defused the anger by acknowledging them and how they made me feel. Now I know that if and when they are thought of again, they will have no power over me. That's the victory! I also understand that I can no longer silently accept unkind words. I cannot allow them to live and build up in my heart again. I have to find a way to express not repress. That's going to be very hard for me, but I'm going to do my best because after all, it's my heart. So the take away here is that before words are spoken, remember that they can be apologized for, but the damage they do can take a lifetime to repair. Before words are spoken, think about how they would make you feel if they were said to you. Today and every day, I am blessed!
ToDaY I ChOoSe KiNdNeSs OvEr AnGeR!
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