Yesterday was my ONE year anniversary in my condo! I know some of you are saying "Big deal!" I hear you, but it has been such an amazing year for me! I am sooo joyous! Why, you ask?
I am joyous because one year ago my divorce just became final! Yeah me! My life held so many question marks. Like, can I live alone? I'd never stayed by myself. Will I have enough money to pay my bills? I had never been responsible for everything in my life. Can I find comfort? Can I overcome the last 38 years? I'm a survivor, but can I survive? Can I be truly happy? Can I find someone I care about and actually have a relationship?
Here's what the last year has shown me. I found out: Not only can I live alone, I LOVE it! I really do. I love only being responsible for myself. I love that it's my laundry I'm doing and my dinner I'm cooking. It's my house I'm cleaning. I know that may sound selfish, but I've been cooking and cleaning for a family since I was 18. It's never been about what I want, but what will make my family happy. I am so enjoying it being about me!
I love being responsible for me alone! I'm a good person, so I don't cause myself any trouble! (I'm laughing!).
Can I overcome the last 38 years of my life? OH YES I CAN!!!! Today showed me that. How, you ask? Today I got an email from my X that a dentist bill came to his mothers house where he now lives (I'm laughing again! Sorry). I told him I'd come by and get it. I called my former mother-in-law 4 times but it didn't go through right and she didn't pick up, so I rode by. Her front door was open so I pulled in to park. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but I have not been there for 1 1/2 years. I couldn't bring myself to go there. My dog who was 9 years old when I gave him up in the divorce is there. It broke my heart to let him go but there is always so much collertal damage in a divorce. I realized that God had decided that today was my day to climb that mountain. As I parked, I said," Ok God, I understand. Please stay with me. I can't face this mountain by myself." You know what happened? I walked into her house with a smile. I petted my sweet boy, Sirus. It was ok. The big thing I realized was that I WAS OK! I did it. Not only did I survive it, I had victory over it! Yeah God! That's the great thing about God. Just when you think you can't do something, He shows you just how strong and courageous you are through Him!!!!
I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in the coming year. I've come so far from where I was when I would say that I can't see the forest for all the trees. That my life was so dark I couldn't see the light. I didn't think my mind would heal or that my heart could survive such destruction, but it did and I am so blessed to be here to share it all with you!
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