Holidays Already? Really!

I'm not sure whether to say hooray or humbug! I would love to enjoy the season of holidays that are coming up.   I'm really going to try but I'm not sure I know how.  I've never had much success with that.  My mother loved holidays.  All of them.  They were always so much fun.  I have great memories of our holidays as a family.  I always loved them too.  Then I got married.

I cannot remember one holiday that was enjoyable while I was married.  Not one!  Somehow or another my X found a way to ruin them.  All of them.  For 37 years!  That's a really long time.  I always tried to make sure my children had great holidays and for the most part I think they did.  No matter what my X did, I tried to act like it didn't bother me, so the kids would enjoy the holiday.  I guess I did a good job at that because they both love holidays!

I haven't had a Christmas tree for probably a good 10 years because I got so tired of hearing my X complain about how much they cost.  After all it was just going to be thrown out by the curb anyway.  Mr. Scrooge had nothing on him.  I got a Christmas gift from him the first year we were married and then never again. Nothing for 37 years.  I never received a birthday present from him, not even a card.  Nothing for Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, etc.  I guess you get the idea.  Every year I'd think, "Surely he will get me something."  I would give him plenty of ideas.  I don't know why I always did that.  I would think that this is the year he would care enough to get me something.  All that did was make me even more disappointed than ever because it never happened.

Last year after my divorce was final and I moved into my condo, I decided to get a Christmas tree.  I was really looking forward to it.  I bought the tree and decorated it but somehow it didn't have the WOW factor I thought it would have.  There wasn't any complaining or whining, after all, I was free to make my own decisions and do what I wanted to do.  Maybe I was just expecting too much.  This year I don't think I'm going to get a tree.  Maybe I should start celebrating

Festivus instead (All you Seinfeld fans know what I'm talking about)! It's depressing not to have someone to share it with.  Maybe that's what the problem was.   I was hoping that this was the year I would get to start a new tradition actually enjoying the holiday season with someone special.  Apparently this is not that year.

I need to figure out how to re-train myself to enjoy the Holidays.  They all have such  negative feelings attached to them.  They have bad memories that I'd love to replace with great memories.  Of course it's wonderful to have my children and grandchildren close.  That really helps, but it's the time spent alone that I have a hard time with.  the hard part is when I open my front door to absolute silence.

I am going to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with family even though I'm the only single one there and I guess I'm going to have to endure the X being there this year (Ugg).  I am going to enjoy Black Friday shopping with my daughter and her friend!  It's always shop till you drop!  I love that!  Then I think I'll watch "It's A Wonderful Life" as many times as I can find it being shown until Christmas (My favorite movie!).  I don't see any holiday parties in my future.  Actually, I've never been to a holiday party except at my daughter's house.  I love those, but I always thought it would be a great adventure to get all dressed up and go somewhere I've never been before.  

I think I already know what my New Year's resolution will be. It's not going to be to lose weight, or
eat healthier, though I should do both of those things. It won't be get organized and throw things away that I don't need.  I am already overly organized and I'm not a "keeper of stuff" so there isn't anything to throw away.

I think my resolution will be to spend the new year figuring out what it is that makes me happy and

then doing it!  I want to take a vacation!  I can't remember the last time I had one.  It's been many years.  And I'm going to make a bucket list.  I don't have one.  Not only am I going to make one,  I'm going to start crossing things off of it! 

I Will Enjoy the Holiday Season!