New Year, New Perspective!

Happy New Year everyone!  I am so very happy to start a new year!  I'm ready to leave 2013 in the past where it belongs.  So here's to an absolutely awesome 2014!

While I feel like a large part of 2013 was full of the mistakes I've made, I also feel like it was filled with a lot of success.  After all, it was my year of firsts.  It's the first time since I became an adult that I was not married.  It was the first time I have ever lived alone, EVER!  It's the first time I have ever been totally responsible for myself.  It's the first time I could do exactly what I want to do and not do what I don't want to.  It's the first time I didn't have to think about anyone else when making a decision. It's the first time I was forced to look deep inside myself and try to figure out who I am and what I want.  (I'm still working on that one!) It's the first time I really had to face the demons of my past and work on moving on to new beginnings!  It's the first time I realized just how blessed I am!

I don't make New Years resolutions.  I feel like it's just a set up for failure, but this year I've decided to set a few goals for myself. I'm determined to have fun reaching as many of them as possible by the years end!

I broke two iPhones in 2013, so here's to trying not to break any in 2014!  I don't want to spend any more time at the Apple Store.  Besides that, they are expensive to replace!

I'm declaring this my Happiness Year!  I know that there will be situations and people that will try to rain down on my happiness, but God says ALL things work together for the good, so I'm going to do my best when that happens, to walk away, take deep breaths, stop and ask God to show me the good that I need to see.  I've actually had a couple of situations come up very recently, so it gave me good practice.  Thing is, it worked perfectly.  Normally I would have been very upset, but instead I just talked to God about it and let the frustrations go.  I could see that I was given the perfect opportunity to understand God at work in my life.

I'm also going to be very kind to myself. I'm going to give myself a break. I'm going to stop judging myself so harshly. I'm going to stop demanding perfection from myself.   I realize that the mistakes I've made are just that, mistakes.  They happened so that I could learn from them, not beat myself up for them!  Thanks to my awesome baby sister, Karan for reminding me of that!  This is what she said, "The Bible says God is creating a work in us from the time we're born until we die.  It's about learning from the lesson and continuing to move forward!"  Wow!  I love her!

I'm going to indulge my inner princess!  I know I'm a princess because my Father, God, is The King of  Kings and that makes me a princess!  There are so many things I can do to make her happy!  I want her to smile on the inside so brightly that I can't contain myself on the outside!  I never realized I had an inner princess.  I found her when I learned to love myself over the last two years!  She is awesome and she deserves the best of everything!


I'm going to work diligently to erase some of my fears. I'm tired of fear sitting on my shoulder telling me what I can't do.  God says ALL things are possible!  Now, I have a lot of fears, so I'm going to start small.  I figure that way, I can sneak up on myself and conquer them before my mind realizes what I have done!  After all, it's my mind that works hard to remind me of all the things I'm afraid of and that I couldn't possibly do.

I'm bubbling over with excitement and anticipation waiting to see what God has planned for me this year!  Life is to be lived and I've decided I have been complacent way too long.  I am no longer going to accept mediocre to define my life.  I'm ready to learn to live my life with so much enthusiasm and happiness that I don't recognize myself anymore!

ThiS Is My HaPpiNeSs YeAr!

2013

I have been trying to go to sleep for many hours and realize that I cannot do that until I say what I need to say.  It is almost the end of 2013.  For me, 2013 was a very important year.  It was the first year of my independence!  It was the first year that I can say I was free.  I was free to become the person I want to be. I had such high expectations for 2013.  I am very much disappointed.  I am burdened and saddened by the results, or lack of results 2013 held for me.

I have spent all of 2013 trying to figure out just who I am.  Seeing that 2014 is almost here, I have to say that 2013 was a miserable failure in that regard.  I have tried so hard to find myself.  In 365 days, I still am not any closer to finding out who I am and what I want my life to be.  I have made so many mistakes.  Mistakes that I really regret.  I have apologies to make.  I would like to erase the mistakes of 2013 if I could.  There are friendships that I loved and cherished, but I have lost.  There are so many things that I just don't know how to fix myself, but I hope God will show me the way.  There are mistakes that I have made that I can't take back.  There are people that I have hurt in my quest to find out who I am.  I understand that all these mistakes were lessons, but that still doesn't make it any easier.

What I have learned is that I am complex.  My life is complex. My past is complex.   My world is complex.  My pain and my healing are complex.  There is no simple, easy answer.  Just when I think I have a handle on my new life, I realize that I am no closer to finding answers than I was 12 months ago.  I so want to figure it all out.  I so want to go to bed at night, happy to be me.

I am too gullible.  I am too easily distracted.  I easily fall for the wrong person hoping that the answer to my life's questions lie in this person.  I easily give up my list of expectations in lieu someone else's approval.  I want love so badly that I accept whoever comes my way and do not question anything until I realize that I am in way over my head.  That is not an excuse.  I just realize that this is what I've been doing for 365 days.  For that, I am very sorry.  I was

determined to figure it out so fast.  Now I realize that this is going to take some time.

In 2014, I am determined not to repeat the mistakes of 2013.  I am stubborn and hard headed, this I know, but at the end of the coming year, I will have made progress. I refuse to accept defeat.  I refuse to give up.  I refuse to turn my back on the joy and fulfilling life I know God has planned for me.

Thank you to all of my family and friends who have granted me grace and mercy while I have tried to figure this out.  I promise that I am going to be diligent in my quest this year.  God loves me way too much for me to give up.  2014 will be a success!  It has to be!

2014 Is My Year!

BLeSsinNgS!

Today I woke up feeling so blessed!  I'm not really sure why the feeling is so strong today.  I decided God must have something for me to learn and share, so here goes!

The sun is so bright today and I'm solar powered so I am feeling energized today!  More than that though, I am feeling overwhelmingly loved!  It is so strong that I feel like my body cannot hold it all.  I love that feeling!  It's like I'm bursting at the seams! 

I am so blessed to have two wonderful children.  They have amazing lives.  They have amazing spouses and dare I say, I have 5 of the most beautiful and absolutely amazing grandchildren!  I am overwhelmed with joy that I have the honor of being their mother and their Nana.  Words cannot express how much love I have for all of them.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful guy in my life!  Not long ago I didn't think that was possible.  I know God orchestrated it all, of course!  The fact that God loves me that much takes my breath away.  Every day I am amazed that this is my new life!  Wow!  Me!  Really!  Me!  This is where my journey is leading me!  I get to know that I am loved!  Wow!  I am overwhelmed!  I never thought I was worth love.  While that thought saddens me for a moment, I understand that I had to be there to get here!  And I love it here!

I guess what I want you to know is that my journey has been long and it has been tough.  Maybe you feel the same way.  Maybe you can't understand why things happen, I know I couldn't either. Maybe you have grown weary.  I know there were times I have been so weary and wanted to give up.  Because I have been there, I can tell you to be strong and persevere!  It is so worth it.  To finally be where you are supposed to be and to realize how blessed you are!  I know the lessons I had to learn were hard and I repeated so many of them over and over again.  Looking back though, I can see it was all leading me here, feeling so blessed.


 It took me a very long time to be willing to put down my life and my circumstances and give them to God.  I realize now that God has been trying to get me to let Him have His will and His way in my life for a very long time.  I thought I could do a better job than God!   Really, Cyndi?

I know now the biggest blessing I have is that I finally get it!  I am very happy and relieved to let God do what He wants with me!  I trust God completely and that is an awesome feeling!  Today I got to realize just how blessed I am!  WoW!  I pray the same for you!  You are Awesome!

I Am Blessed!

Am I A Superhero or What?

I never thought of myself as a superhero! But maybe I am!  Let's see!  I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound.  I can't bend steal with my bare hands. I can't run faster than a locomotive.  I definitely don't change into my superhero clothes in a phone booth.

But here's what I can do.  I can stay up all night with a sick child and then go to work with no sleep for days on end.  I can vacuum, do 5 loads of laundry, mow the lawn, clean the bathrooms, run the kids to activities, prepare a great dinner, and clean up the kitchen with no help, all in the same day! I can smell a sale a mile away   I can shop till I drop, go home to rest,  get a call to go back out shopping, and go shopping again!  Now that's stamina!  I can organize the un-organizable!  I can inspire when I don't feel inspirational.  I can laugh when crying is what I want to do.  I can be a great mother even when I don't think I know how.  I can love the at times, seemingly unlovable.  I will stand up for what I believe is right.  I can be strong when I'm at my weakest.  I will put my big girl panties on and stand firm for what I believe in when I'm too tired to stand.  I will walk or run even though I feel like I can barely crawl.

What I've just described is what many of us do every day.  I do think I'm a superhero and I think you are too.  We are women.  We are the glue that holds our families together when everything around us is falling apart.  And that doesn't mean just those of us who are or were married.  That's most women.  We hold businesses together and are amazingly productive.  We multi-task multi-tasking!  When everything in our world is crumbling, we find the strength to carry on.

My superhero's name is Cyndi Claire!  She is my alter ego!  After all isn't that what a superhero is?  It's what you wish you were capable of being or doing.  She is awesome.  She is strong!  She is invincible!  She will persevere!  She is not afraid of anything!  She is everything Cyndi is not.  When I need her, I put on my superhero cape (Seriously, it's only an imaginary cape.  What fashion conscience woman would wear a real cape?) and I become Cyndi Claire!  My hero!

I found out I was a superhero when my daughter and I had our business together several years ago.  We got our mail one day and an envelope came addressed to Cyndi Claire.  That's when my daughter, Heather said that must be my alter ego.  Heather always tells me to bring Cyndi Claire out when Cyndi can't do something.  I love Cyndi Claire!  When I'm in a situation that I'm uncomfortable with or trying to do something I'm afraid to do, I whisper to myself, " Ok Cyndi Claire, I need you.  You can do this!" Believe it or not, it gives me the courage I need!

What does Cyndi Claire look like?  I'm not sure but since I'm only 5"1',  you can bet she's much taller than that!  And she's in great shape and she has long legs!  She's probably a blonde, or maybe a redhead.  I've always wanted to be a blonde, or a redhead! Stop laughing!  She's my superhero!  You can let your superhero look any way you want to!

So to answer the question, "Do I think I'm a superhero?"  I absolutely do!  And so are you!  So to all my superhero friends out there fighting all the battles set in front of you today, fight on!  And if you need a little help, just let me know.  Cyndi Claire is always ready for battle and just a whisper away!

Cyndi Claire to the Rescue!