Voices Past

I have a wonderful friend.  Her name is Sharon.  We met by chance back in the spring.  We have so many common interests and our value system is the same.  It's a perfect friendship fit!  We seem to help each other stay on the right track!  We have a great time trying to figure out this single world!  It's tough out here, you know!  We can talk for hours on the phone sometimes!  Actually, she is so kind because sometimes she just lets me talk on and on!  I enjoy our conversations so much.  You never know where they will lead!  Isn't it great how God sends the right people into our lives to be our friends!

Sharon's told me many times that she thinks I have great insight into things.  She thinks I have great perspective.  Me, I'm not so sure about that, but ok.  The other

day we were talking and the subject came around about saying what you think.  Now, me, I'm very bad at that.  I usually don't say what I think.  The voices in my head always revert to my past experiences so I tend to do what they say.  There are several reasons for that.  First of all, I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, even if it means for me to go somewhere or do something I really don't want to do.  It was also drilled in my head the 37 years I was married to be quiet.  It was never acceptable to "talk back" or talk things out.  I learned early on in my marriage to be just that, quiet. Believe me, I see how horrible that sounds now as I write it.  I always thought I accepted it for the greater good.  Who's good?  Certainly not mine.

Here's the problem with having that mind set.  It causes me to do things I really don't want to do.  Or go places I really don't want to go.  It causes me to develop relationships I know aren't right for me, and it keeps me there longer than I should have stayed.  Sometimes it costs me more than I want to pay.  Just like in my past, it turns out it is not for my greater good.

I realize that I can't keep blaming what I do now on the past.  I think letting go of old behaviors is the hardest thing that I'm trying to overcome. It's been difficult for me to break away from the voices of the past.  It's been very hard for me to realize that I am the voice of the present.  I need to hear my voice now.  My voice needs to say what my heart feels and not be afraid.  I have to learn to stand up for myself and what's right for me.  So in my year of happiness, here's to new choices!

Sharon is not afraid to say what she thinks.  That said, she has the kindest way of saying it.  It doesn't hurt someone's feelings or make them mad.  I want to learn how to do that. What I usually do is go along as long as I can, then I freak out and run!  I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to be as empowered as Sharon is!  I want to set myself free from the voices of the past.  Sharon told me that the past is gone and  I need to leave it there!  Okay, I know.  I've told myself that so many times lately, but hearing her words made me really hear it.  That's just what I needed.  Sometimes when someone else says the same thing you've been telling yourself, it just resonates with you.

I'm going to let Sharon be my teacher. She said she's going to make me accountable for saying what I

think.  I'm going to learn how to say what I think and do what I want, but the right way!  I can do this!   I really can!  Last night I went to bed feeling kind of powerless.  This morning I woke up feeling powerful!  Isn't that awesome!  What made the difference?  Getting Sharon's perspective was definitely a turning point and when I went to bed and talked to God about it, I asked for power.  Power to hear God's voice, through me.  Power to change those old behaviors.  Power to remove those past voices and replace them with new ones.   My whole perspective has changed.  I feel energized and renewed.  I am powerful!  Awe, don't you just love it when God answers your prayers and equips you with everything you need to succeed!

Thank you Sharon for being a true friend!  You know how hard it is to create a new life because you are doing it yourself!  It's so wonderful to have friends, and  it takes many friends with different perspectives to help you through the tough times.  Those friends who have had to go through some of the same things that you are dealing with can offer support that is immeasurable.  Thank you!

Here's To New Choices!