You Get What You Get........or Do You?

Have you ever heard the sAyInG, "You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit?  My grandchildren have hEaRd it many times from all of us.  They know when we say it, that is it.  The discussion is over.  NoThIng is going to change, so be sAtIsFiEd with what you have.

While I was wAlKiNg on the beach the other night, talking to God.  I always do that. I was asking him for help.  I needed some iNsPiRaTiOn for this blog. I wasn't sure what I was going to write about.  After I asked Him, I said, "Ok God, now I'm going to be qUiEt so I can hEaR you. That's really not easy for me to be quiet!  I continued walking trying not to think over God.  I started getting the above rhyme in my head.  I just kept repeating it  over and over getting frustrated with myself and then I realized that was what God was telling me.  I couldn't quite figure out what I was supposed to do with that little children's rhyme and then it hit me!

That's what I did in my marriage relationship!  I took what I got and didn't question it.  And hOnEsTLy, I've probably done that in a lot of other instances. And I don't mean not being sAtIsFiEd with what I have and where I am.  I'm talking about settling for less than God intended for me!  I made up this line for my version of the rhyme, "I had what I had and it turned out real bad!"  SoRrY! That's exactly what I did.  I thought I had to settle for the inexcusable way I was treated all my life.  I always thought that whatever tiny bit of kindness or affection or common decency my ex-husband threw my way, it was good enough.  To me, those are two of the worse words in the English language when used together, "good enough!" I thought I should be happy with that.  I should sEtTLe.  After all, that's what I signed on for, right?

Well ladies, I'm hear to tell you that settling isn't gOoD enough!  What I had oVeRlOoKeD for all those years is that my Father is the King (Jesus)!   That makes me, the daughter of the King, a princess!  That's exciting!  I'm a pRiNcEsS!  I don't have to get what I get and don't pitch a fit!  That said, I'm wAiTiNg on my pRiNcE.  A princess should never settle for a fRoG, ever! A few months ago someone told me, "Well maybe you have to settle."  I settled the first time, and tRuSt me on that, I had a lifetime of misery.  I WILL NOT SETTLE! Not ever again. Having no one is better than sEtTliNg!   I am calling my awesome guy that God has pIcKeD out my "soulman," instead of soulmate.  I like that because the sOuL is on the inside. This time, I have a list of things that are important to me.  I am not going to sEtTlE, period.  The outer shell is not as iMpOrTaNt to me as the inner person. My ex-husband had a great outer shell, but was eMpTy on the inside.

I am very eXcItEd to meet my sOuLmAN!  I don't know when that will happen, because God's timing is perfect, but I do know that God has piCkEd him out just for me!  And because I'm His child, I know I do not have to worry.  I will not be diSaPpOiNtEd!  Of course, I do hope it's sooner than later.  I'm not getting any younger!  Thing is, none of us have to settle for or stay in a rElAtiOnShiP that is not good.  I wish I had this courage years ago.  But this was my time.  This was my time to be free and start over!  Woohoo!

I LoVe BeInG A PrInCeSs!

I

Single Versus Married

I was reading an article earlier in the paper about whether SiNgLe people and mArRrIeD people can be friends. It's almost like asking can girls and guys be just friends?  Of course, you can be, but it's tough sometimes.  I think its much harder if the married person knew you before you were single.  I've been both single and married, so I started tHiNkInG  about this. I do know some of my personal relationships changed and not for the better.  I liken it to having an illness and no one knows what to say so they just avoid you or say nothing at all.

It feels like some of my mArRiEd friends are having a hard time being my friend now. I understand some things have changed and we are on DiFfErEnT playing fields and it feels like there is no common denominator, but I'm still the same person.  Actually, I'm a better person than I was. You used to have so much to talk about and suddenly that seems to be gone.

I feel like my married friends aVoId asking questions about my single life all together. Maybe they are uncomfortable or feel awkward.  I really don't underatand why. They may ask, "So what have you been up to."  Thing is they really don't want to know. They don't seem iNtErEsTeD in really getting an answer.  It's like when you greet someone and say, Hi, How are you?"  You really don't want them to tell you how they are.  It's just a nicety. It makes me feel unimportant and that the person just doesn't care.  It's hApPeNeD so many times that now I just answer, "Nothing much."

During my separation/divorce I can understand why fRiEnDs would avoid conversations, but now, honestly, I don't get it.  I'm over the dIvOrCe for the most part.  I'm ready to live again!  I want to share this time with fAmIlY and fRiEnDs!  This is the fun part of starting over.  It's not always easy and there are rough spots for sure.  I do have things to lAuGh about and funny things happen when I've been out, but no one wants to hear about them.  SoMehOw, I need to change that. Walking away would be easy for me.  I have walked away from many things for a big part of my life. Many years ago I walked away from the idea that I could be happy and fulfilled, and have a wonderful married life, to just settling for a nothing life, because I was made to believe I wasn't wOrTh it.  I walked away from my whole life, losing a few friends after that seems easy.

Light bulb moment!!!!  I'm rEaLiNg as I'm writing this that I am partly responsible for feeling this way. I realize I have put a wall up between my married friends and mYsElF because I don't want to be rejected any more and that's how I fEel when it seems like my friends/family are not interested in my life.  ReJeCtEd!  I hate that feeling.  I've been rejected most of my life and I can't do that anymore. That feeling is the one rEaSoN that I can just walk away. WoW!  Now that I realize this,  I think I need to cHaNgE the emotional reaction I have associated with them.  Maybe I need to take more time and make the person feel cOmFoRtAbLe being around me and talking to me.  I NEED TO TAKE THAT WALL DOWN!  My married friends/family are worth it.  I love that I get to have a nEw life and become a new person on my own!  I need my married friends/family to stay in my life and share this exciting time with me!

I LoVe LiGhT BuLd MoMeNtS!

I've Got to Get Out of This Place. If It's the Last Thing I Ever Do!

I had a blog I worked on the other night, but I feel I'm being pulled in a new direction.  I want to talk about cOmFoRt ZoNeS!  Mine in particular.  I don't call it my comfort zone, though I'm very comfortable there, I'm just not happy there!   I always say I need  to step outside my box I've insisted that I must live in almost all of my life.  My life has always had many, many rules.  Some were rules that spilled over from my childhood.  Some were rules I made myself follow, and many were from my marriage.  I paid a high price for letting my box have so much power over me.  I lost myself.  My bOx kept me from becoming who I could have been.  I won't ever get to know that person.  I think she would have been aWeSoMe!  But I do have the chance to be the person I want to be now.  I want to be cArEfReE.  I want to be sPoNtAnEoUs!  I want to have fUn!  I want to live fReE!  I've never done that, just live.  The thought of that is so foreign to me.   I never thought about myself.  What do I like?  What do I want to Do?  What will make me happy?  I don't know the answer to any of those questions, and I don't know how to get out of my box!

Now that I can see how destructive my box was and is to me, I'm going to work very hard to dEsTrOy my box!  That sounds easy enough, but believe me it won't be.  Tucked neatly inside my bOx is fear.  It's very subtle, just lying there, but if I try to cHaLlEnGe it, it wastes no time stopping me in my tracks.  The fear of bReAKiNg a rule is cRIpPlInG. It controls me.  It kept me in a 37 year unhealthy marriage.  The fear of, What if?  If I thought about going against

any of the rules, What if would remind me of all the things that might happen.  What if, kept me neatly iMpRiSoNeD inside my box.  I might not be happy, or fulfilled or being treated right, but What if made sure I knew it wasn't about me.  I gave up myself for my box.  Wow! 

 Some of these rules are absolutely aBsUrD to me now as I'm thinking of them.  But for almost all of my life they've seemed not only very iMpOrTaNt, but were necessary for my world to function properly.  I thought that if I just fOlLoWeD all the rules everything would be ok.  Of course it was never ok, but I never gave up trying to make it all ok.

Everything I do in my life has an order and a RuLe that must be fOlLoWeD.  If not?  Well in my head, it would be doom and dEvAsTaTiOn, for sure.  I've decided I don't want to live my life that way aNYmOrE.  I want to be free of my box. I want to be fEaRLeSs!  I need to find ways to free myself of the fear and the guilt that if I don't follow all those rules sOmEtHiNg bad will happen.  I don't know how to be a free spirit!  I want to be cArEfReE and uNiNhIbItEd .  I don't want to think, What if? anymore.

 

Maybe this is what my journey's all about.  Maybe this is what God wants me to learn.  To be fReE and fEaRlEsS.  To give up cOnTrOl and give it all to Him.  I like the sound of that!  So today, I'm not going to make my bed!  Today, instead of tHiNkInG if I don't make my bed I'll die and people will think I'm messy, I'm going to bElIeVe it doesn't matter if the bed's made.  It has no part in the fUtUrE of how my day will go.  And tomorrow, maybe I'll go to a restaurant and sit at a table all by mYseLF and eat and it will all be ok!


If aNyOnE has any ideas for me that would help me learn to be fReE and fEaRlEsS, please let me know!  I'd love all of you to be a part of my jOuRnEy!  As I try different things, I'll let you know how it went.  As the song goes,
 "I'll get by with a little help from my fRiEnDs.  I'm gonna try with a
 little help from my fRiEnDs!"

ThIs iS wHeRe I wANt To LiVe ThE  rEsT oF mY LiFe!

The Harrison Curse!

First of all I need to explain what the Harrison Curse is.  My maiden name is Harrison.  In our fAmIlY, when we would get hurt or do something silly, someone would always bLaMe it on my dad's side of the family (Harrison).  Now, even as a child I can tell you that my sisters and I have all battled the "curse!"  We have all gotten hurt or illnesses/injuries in the most ridiculous ways.  I grew up thinking, boy, I don't know what that HaRrIsOn did that was so bad to put this curse on us, but I'm getting tired of being punished for it!

My poor mOtHeR spent so much time at the Dispensary (my dad was in the Navy).  The doctors used to tell her,  my sisters and I had more xrays there than the navy personnel.  It wasn't too bAd when I was young, but as I became a teenager, it was eMbArRaSsInG to have to tell the doctors how I got hurt.

When I was around 6, the neighborhood kids were playing bAsEbAlL and I was standing behind the batter.  When the kid swung the bat to try to hit the ball, I was standing too close and the bAt hit me in the forehead!  Big, big booboo and a trip to the emergency room.  When I was 16 and my friends and I were playing on the seesaw at the park. Yes, I mean 16 years old!  My fRiEnD on the other side decides on her next down, she would get off and not tell me.  When she got off, I flew off the seesaw, but my wrist got stuck under the handle you hold on to so...........sprained arm!  My oldest sister always played girls softball so she convinced me to tryout.  My mom bought me a  gLOvE and my sister and I went outside to throw the ball back and forth.  On the first throw, I tried to catch the ball bare-handed and broke my index finger. No softball for me!

Then another time the kids in the nEiGhBoRhOoD were playing softball against the parents.  My oldest sister did not like me to be on her team because I played so badly, so she put me on the pitchers mound.  She thought it would be the best place since not too many balls get hit to the pitcher.  I know you know what's coming!  The ball was pitched the to the dad batting, he hits the ball, a line drive straight to me.  It hits me in the head and knocks me out cold!  That ended my ball playing career!  When I was 17 and dating Joe, we were pLaYiNg around wrestling and somehow my right leg got caught up under his.  I ended up tearing the cartilage in my kNeE and was in a thigh to ankle plaster cast for 8 weeks!

I haven't escaped the curse as an adult, none of us have!  When my son, Steve was playing t-ball, Joe and I took him to the ball field to practice.  I was standing behind Steve to catch the balls he missed.  He fouled a ball backwards over the fence.  I started walking around the fence to the gate so I could retrieve the ball.  Joe & Steve start yElLiNg at me to just climb the fence it will be faster.  I told them, "You know I can't do that. I'll get hurt."  They were insistent, so against my better judgment, I climbed the 3ft fence.  While on top of the 3ft.fence, I grabbed hold of the 5ft. fence so I could jump down.  I jumped and as the curse would have it, my wedding ring got caught in the tall fence!  I was just hanging there screaming in pAiN for them to help me get down because my feet were not touching the ground.  Joe managed to get me off the fence, even though him and Steve were laughing uncontrollably!  I immediately took my rings off.  That was a good thing because my fInGeR started swelling.  I couldn't wear  my rings for weeks!

  One year I dislocated my shoulder at work taking ornaments off the Christmas tree.  I still don't know exactly what happened.  One minute I'm taking decorations off the tree and the next thing I knew my shoulder popped right out of the socket.  Very painful for sure!  There was the time I came in from work and walked straight to the garage.  My niece was staying with us and her and Joe were sitting in the living room watching TV.  I go into the garage and somehow I fell off the cement step down and hurt my ankle.  I screamed when it happened it was so painful.  The door was open so I could hear this conversation, Cara, "Uncle Joe, do you think Aunt Cyndi's hurt?"  Joe, "I don't know, maybe." Cara, "Well, do you think we should check on her?"  Joe, "Probably so."  This went back and forth a few more times. I finally yelled to them, "Yes, you fools I am hurt.  Can someone pLeAseE come help me up!"  There are so many more times the curse has struck, but you get the picture.  If there is any cRaZy way I can get hurt doing something, I will!

  When Steve & Heather were gRoWiNg up, every time they would get hurt or do something fOoLiSh, their dad would say, "That's the Harrison in you."  Now, they had no idea what "the Harrison" was, they just knew it wasn't good.  One day Steve was doing something foolish and got hurt and his dad said, "That's the HArRiSoN in you."  Steve got so upset he started yelling, "I don't want the Harrison in me.  I don't want the Harrison in me and ran out of the room crying!" I know we should have been sympathetic, but it was so funny we couldn't stop laughing.  I did try to explain it to him, but he was too young to uNdErStAnD the whole maiden name thing.    When Steve was a tEeNaGeR, him and a friend were playing with the gas grill.  He had the lid closed and turned the gas on.  As he opened the lid, he through a match in and, POW!  It burnt his eyebrows and eyelashes off!  Thankfully he didn't get hurt worse. He sure looked fUNnY with no eyebrows or eyelashes! As they grew older, they began to see how the Harrison Curse would appear at the most inopportune times and in the funniest ways.  Now, they both know it's power and as much as we don't like it, we have to respect it!

My sister Karan said I could share these two curse eNcOuNtErS with you.  She was making a cake and went to take the beaters out and hadn't turned the mixer off and it sucked her hand into the beaters!  It hurt so bAd that it took her a few seconds to realize what happened and turn it off!  The doctor couldn't believe it when she told him how it happened!  One time her husband, Greg took her on her first cAnOe trip.  There was a boy scout troop on the lake too and one of them ran their canoe over the top of her canoe and right over her leg and cut it!

This gives you and idea of the tReAcHeRoUs life we Harrisons have to endure! Usually when the "Harrison" rears its ugly head, we just call or text each other lAuGhInG and tell what happened.  Of course, you never get any sympathy, just laughing! A lot of laughing! There really isn't anything else you can do, so we may as well laugh!   We are hoping that as the years pass, we will have paid the dues for those Harrisons so future generations can enjoy being fReE!  Until then..........................!

Service.......May I Help You?

I love how God sends subtle mEsSaGeS out to me!  Ask and you will rEcEivE!  I was talking in an earlier blog about how I was trying to figure out what path My life should be on.

The first message from God:  I felt sure that God was telling me to get off the path I was on, but I didn't know where to go. I wasn't having any fun anymore going out to bars and hearing the bands and dancing.  The last two months had been full of stress and drama every time I went out, so I thought this was God telling me, wrong venue!  At that point I decided to step back and wait for God to tell me where to go or what to do.  Since I'm the first person to admit I don't have any patience it was not easy for me to wAIt!

Second message from God: My church periodically offers a course called Alpha.  It was time to sign up for Alpha, so I kept getting a strong feeling that God wanted me to take this course, or so I thought!  A couple of Sundays ago I was talking to a friend that hosts a table at every Alpha course and told her I thought I should take the course.  She immediately told me that I couldn't take the

course because it is for new Christians or people searching for answers, but I could sErVe in Alpha.  She immediately introduced me to someone that is responsible for the kitchen staff for Alpha.  I gave her my phone number and name and she said she would call me.

Third message from God:  My last blog was about jOy.  While I was searching for quotes about joy, many of them had to do with sErViNG and how sErViNg others will give you joy.  I was like, okay God I hear you.  You want me to sErVe! I love it when I finally catch on and get the mEsSaGe!

Tuesday night was the Alpha kickoff so I went to sErVe!  I really enjoyed myself.  I met some wOnDeRfUl people and had the best time eVeR washing dishes!  I can't wait for next week!  Thank you, God!  I love where you put me!!!!  Talk about jOy!  I felt pUrE jOy!  I decided I'm going to be a jOy SpReAdEr!  Now it's going to take some practice for me to get there, but I love the feeling I get when I'm full of jOy, and the way for me to get filled?

SeRviCe!  MaY I hElP yoU?

Anger Doesn't Live Here Anymore!

Why, oh why, do I let some things make me lose control?  Why do I let them make me angry?  It's eMbArAsSInG  to even admit that they have so much power over me!  Am I cRaZy?

Feeling angry is so frustrating. It's so..........fRuStrAtInG!  The thing is, I'm not talking about life situations that anger me, I'm talking about my daily experiences with inanimate objects!  Why do I give them so much power?  SeRiOuSlY!  It seems like I am constantly fIgHTInG with myself and inanimate objects.

 Why is it that the vacuum cleaner can make me lOsE mY cOoL?  I mean, I take it out and start to vacuum and always, aLwAyS, the attachment I want to use is not on the vacuum! It's fallen off again and is on the closet floor.  Now I put it in it's right spot after every use, but its nEvEr there. Why can't it just stay where it's supposed to. I mean they made a special place just for it on the vacuum.

And then there's my iPad. I've been trying to write a book and do this blog and every time I get almost to the end of the blog, my iPad stops working right.  The keyboard mEsSeS up and I can't get to the section I need to. The cursor always goes back to the top and won't do anything!  I can't get to the right spot to insert a picture.   It takes me hOuRs, sometimes days to get finished and ready to publish one blog. It should be so simple.  BUT it's not.  I was so frustrated the other day, I told Heather that if she sees film on the news of a cRaZy WoMaN  in the parking lot beating her iPad to death and then running back and forth over it with her car, it was me!  Of course I did get the last laugh, I went out and bought a laptop!  Guess I showed that iPad! Or did I?

Or the TV. It has an "all on" button on the remote that is supposed to turn eVeRyThInG on that I need to watch TV but every time I push it, it does not turn it "all on!"  The TV never seems to turn on, just the cable box and of course the DVD player that I don' even want to use. I always forget this so that means that I've walked away from it and have to go back, get the remote again, hit TV power and then turn the DVD player off.  Then it does the same thing turning it all off.

So when I first moved in my condo and everything electronic was set up, I was going to use the DVD player.  I tried the remote and could not get it to work.  Several times after that I would try the DVD remote and I could never get it to work, so I gave up and just push the buttons on the front.  The other day I had a friend over and we were going to use the DVD player.  I got the remote and said, "I've tried to use this remote many times and I can't get it to work."  He looked at me and said, "That's a Samsung."  I was perplexed and said, "So what does that mean."  He said, "We'll, that's a Sony DVD player!"  Ok, pLeAsE stop laughing!  All this time I didn't have the right remote!

So maybe I do have a hand in some of my issues with inanimate objects, mAyBe!  I really think that when I'm not home they are sPrEaDInG the word between the other objects in my house to recruit new aggravations!  It's a cOsPiRaCy to see just how much I can take before I break!

But NOT ToDay!  ToDaY I've decided that I'm going to wIn this WaR!  I'm going to outsmart them all! Ha ha! I refuse to be dEfEaTed by my posessions any LoNGeR!  From now on I'm just going to wALk AwAy SmiLiNg!  We'll see wHo GeTs tHe LaSt LaUgH!!!!

Will I Be Ok?

I was looking through some of my jOuRnAl pages over the last 2 years.  I never used a journal before my separation/divorce.  I needed a way to deal with all the eMotIoNs that were whirling around me and through me and writing it down seemed to work.  Besides that I needed to remember details and that's the only way I could.

 At the time I was reading a book, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, by Susan Piver.   I read a lot of books then, trying to find answers to so many qUeStIoNs.  At the time I was answering some of the questions from the book.   I came across this:  What is the question I would most like an answer to?  My aNsWeR was, Will I be ok?

Wow! There was so much dEsPiRaTiOn in my ink. The writing was hurried and messy.  I was so sad then. I was so afraid and so lonely.  I was trying to put all the pieces tOgEtHeR. I was looking for answers that I so desperately needed!  I needed to understand why my marriage went so terribly wrong and why I didn't see it coming.  Of all the things I had to wOrRy about at that moment in time, what I really needed to know was, Will I be ok?

SiTuAtIoNs in my daily life can tip the scales one way or the other. Most off the time I choose to be ok.  Most of the time I don't let old feelings have that much power over me, but it is a constant bAtTle.  However, there are days that I don't feel ok. There are days when I'm tired and I'm fRuStRaTed and I'm lonely and I don't have anyone to talk to. Those are the days I don't feel ok. There are days when my heart is broken and I don't want to fight for what's good and what's right. There are days when I just want to gIvE uP.  I don't know what the big picture is.  There are days when I can't  see the smallest picture.  What do I do on those days?  What do I do when I can't see anything that's good in front of me? What do I do when I'm not sure I'll be ok?  What do I do when I sit with my eyes filled with tears and it feels like progress is moving too slow and I don't have any direction?  Well, usually I pRaY.  It always seems to work!  God makes sEnSe of the senseless.  I wish I knew the answers but, truth is God doesn't want me to know all of them.  He wants me to have fAiTh and tRuSt Him that He has AwEsOmE plans for my life!

I don't like that 2 years after the start of my life re-evaluation, (lol!  How does that sound?  Positive, right?) I'm still asking myself, will I be ok.  I have dEcIdEd that I have 40 years of eMoTiOnAl trauma and bad mEmOrIeS and I can't expect to be able to deal with them all and move on in 2 years. I think I just need to be pAtIeNt, but patience is not one of my strong points!

I'm tIrEd.  I'm tired of wOrRyInG about it.  I'm tired of trying to figure it out.  I'm tired of trying to do the right things or trying to do what I think the right thing is.  I can't figure it out. I don't have the aNsWeRs.  BUT I do know the one who does.  I tHiNk what I'm going to do is lay all this in God's lap.  I think I'm just going to tell God that I don't know what to do and I'm tIrEd and I know He does. He won't mind because that's what He wants me to do.  It will be ok because I can trust God. He will make it all ok and make it all make sense.

I started writing this blog entry on top of the mountain (positive) but ended up fInIsHiNg it in a valley (not happy).  It's a constant changing of eMoTiOns that makes it difficult sometimes to get my tHoUgHtS across, but I promised myself that I would be open and honest on this blog because I don't believe for one minute that I'm the only one on a jOuRnEy of such emotions. What I want you to see is that no matter how my emotions change, God is the one that I turn to, to pRoViDe me with sTaBiLiTy and hope.  I always have hOpE!  It's the one thing that I am sURe of!  This is a process and sometimes I don't like the process, but I know that in the end there will be an abundance of  everything good!

I wIlL bE oK!  GOD iS nOt FiNiShEd WiTh Me YeT!

What Makes My Soul Sing?

Do you know what it feels like when your SoUl SiNgS?  I mean that "better than happy" feeling that runs all through your body and you can't stop smiling!  It's the best of everything! It's more than you know you deserve, but are so happy God loves you enough to give it to you!   I lOvE it when mY sOuL sInGs!

My soul sings when I'm around my grandchildren!  I have 4 & 3/4?  I say 3/4 because we have a baby girl due to join our family the end of November!  I love them so much and what makes them happy, makes me hApPy!  I am blessed to be able to share in their lives.

I love being a "Nana on call!"  My fAmIlY knows that I am always available if they need me. I will pick or drop off, run errands, go on field trips, you name it, I'll do it!  Since my divorce, and a huge reduction of income, I don't have much money I can spend on them, but I have plenty of time to give them and I LoVe that!

 Jadyn is going to 10 very soon.  She just got a cell phone for her birthday!  She is loving that and so am I!  I love being able to call her or text her good morning and good night!  Evan will be 10 in January,  Diesel will be 8 in November and Salim just turned 6!

My soul sings when I see what awesome lives my children have!  They are blessed with beautiful, hEaLtHy children. They have bEaUtIfUl homes and wonderful friends.  They are blessed that they have such wonderful spouses!

 I love my daughter-in-law and my son-in-law.  They take exceptionally good care of my children and grandchildren.  I love them for many reasons, but one of the things I love them for is that they aBsOuLtElY LOVE my children!  My SoUl SiNGs!.

My soul sings when I think about how wOnDeRfUl my life is NoW!  I have a beautiful condo and it is very near mY fAvOrItE place, the oCeAN!

 I have my sweet shih tzu, LiLi BuTtErCuP.  I have great kids and greater grands!  I have  been blessed with the opportunity to start over!  I have the chance to change the way I LiVe my LiFe!  I have the chance to do so many things I never thought I would!  I get to see just how the positive outweighs the negative!  Most of all I get to eXpErIeNcE just how much God really lOvEs me!  My SoUl SiNgS!

My sOuL SiNGs every day when I get to take Lilli outside for a walk on the BeAcH!  I absolutely LoVe the bEaCH!  I mean it soothes my soul!  I don't think I can get any cLoSeR to God than I do when I'm walking on the BeAch!  I am always aMaZeD at the majesty of the ocean.  WoW!  It's just that awesome!

I hope that sometime tOdAy, you have the opportunity to see all the things in your life that makes your SoUl sInG!

Friendship

I love people!  I love watching them!  I love being out with them and I love getting to know them!  I have worked for them and tried to make them happy most of the time, for most of my life.  I love the social interaction with them.  Why, then it is so hard for me  to keep them as fRiEnDs?

I was watching all the kids pLaYiNg with each other yesterday at Heather's house.  They were having so much fun!  I love watching how they interact with each other.  They laugh and play and are so hApPy!  They can all be having a good time together and the next minute a couple of them won't be getting along, but they don't let that spoil their fUn.  In a few minutes they get over it and are all back laughing and playing together like nothing happened.  I think that's because not only are they are all friends, they just don't put so much emphasis on the small stuff.  They just want to have fun!  It's so sImPLe!

I wonder why most adults can't do that.  I wOnDeR why I can't do that!  Why can't I live a life intent on just having fun and seeing how many fRiEndS I can make!  Why can't I just forget the small stuff.  I know I make things so difficult.  I think over a situation and then I rethink it over and over again.  I would love to be able to shut down that part of me.  I give the negative so much room in my head and in my life.  I would love to live my life with the intent of just having fUn!  I would love to see what would happen if I just tried to make others hApPy.  When I look back over my life, I'd like to be able to smile and say, "Wow, I sure did have a lot of fun!  And, I had so many fRIeNdS!"  Well, if

that's going to happen, then I need to change an awful lot of things in my life.

The first half of my life was spent trying to make everything pErFeCt.  It was about working, and working, and then working some more.  It was about trying to have more and trying to pay off more and trying to achieve more. It was about worrying and stressing, and generally not being happy. There was no time for fUn.  There was no time for being sPoNtAnEoUs.  There was no time for friends. There was no time for happy.  There was so much to accomplish and so little time and it all seemed so important.  Well, it wasn't.  I spent so much time and energy for a life that just fell apart. I worked so hard to create something that really didn't exist, that I forgot to spend any time crEaTiNg something that would last a lifetime, fRIeNdSHiP!

Now that I look back on my life, I can see that I missed out on so much. I missed out on the really important things.  I missed out on really getting to know all the people that came in and out of my life.  I missed out on developing deeper friendships with so many of them that I would love to have in my life now.  I can't imagine how much fun I missed out on!  I can't  imagine how much hApPiNeSs I missed out on and all the SuPpORt that I missed out on.  I missed out on having fRIeNdS!

So that's what I'm really going to try to change.  I'm going to learn to NoT sWeAt the SmAlL sTuFf!  I'm going to start learning to let it go.  It really doesn't matter.  It really doesn't!  I'm going to learn to give more gRaCe and show more MeRcY!  After all the gRaCe and MeRcY God's shown me, that's the least I can do is show it to everyone I know and eVeRyOnE I meet.  And I'm going to have fUn!  I mean really have FuN!  Because when I look back at the second half of my life, I am going to be able to say, "Wow did I have a bLAsT! " And I'm going to be able to sMiLe and say, "wOw!  Look at all the fRiEnDs I have!"

Now that's what's iMpOrTaNt!  FrIeNdShIp and FuN!