Single Versus Married

I was reading an article earlier in the paper about whether SiNgLe people and mArRrIeD people can be friends. It's almost like asking can girls and guys be just friends?  Of course, you can be, but it's tough sometimes.  I think its much harder if the married person knew you before you were single.  I've been both single and married, so I started tHiNkInG  about this. I do know some of my personal relationships changed and not for the better.  I liken it to having an illness and no one knows what to say so they just avoid you or say nothing at all.

It feels like some of my mArRiEd friends are having a hard time being my friend now. I understand some things have changed and we are on DiFfErEnT playing fields and it feels like there is no common denominator, but I'm still the same person.  Actually, I'm a better person than I was. You used to have so much to talk about and suddenly that seems to be gone.

I feel like my married friends aVoId asking questions about my single life all together. Maybe they are uncomfortable or feel awkward.  I really don't underatand why. They may ask, "So what have you been up to."  Thing is they really don't want to know. They don't seem iNtErEsTeD in really getting an answer.  It's like when you greet someone and say, Hi, How are you?"  You really don't want them to tell you how they are.  It's just a nicety. It makes me feel unimportant and that the person just doesn't care.  It's hApPeNeD so many times that now I just answer, "Nothing much."

During my separation/divorce I can understand why fRiEnDs would avoid conversations, but now, honestly, I don't get it.  I'm over the dIvOrCe for the most part.  I'm ready to live again!  I want to share this time with fAmIlY and fRiEnDs!  This is the fun part of starting over.  It's not always easy and there are rough spots for sure.  I do have things to lAuGh about and funny things happen when I've been out, but no one wants to hear about them.  SoMehOw, I need to change that. Walking away would be easy for me.  I have walked away from many things for a big part of my life. Many years ago I walked away from the idea that I could be happy and fulfilled, and have a wonderful married life, to just settling for a nothing life, because I was made to believe I wasn't wOrTh it.  I walked away from my whole life, losing a few friends after that seems easy.

Light bulb moment!!!!  I'm rEaLiNg as I'm writing this that I am partly responsible for feeling this way. I realize I have put a wall up between my married friends and mYsElF because I don't want to be rejected any more and that's how I fEel when it seems like my friends/family are not interested in my life.  ReJeCtEd!  I hate that feeling.  I've been rejected most of my life and I can't do that anymore. That feeling is the one rEaSoN that I can just walk away. WoW!  Now that I realize this,  I think I need to cHaNgE the emotional reaction I have associated with them.  Maybe I need to take more time and make the person feel cOmFoRtAbLe being around me and talking to me.  I NEED TO TAKE THAT WALL DOWN!  My married friends/family are worth it.  I love that I get to have a nEw life and become a new person on my own!  I need my married friends/family to stay in my life and share this exciting time with me!

I LoVe LiGhT BuLd MoMeNtS!